so i should probably, no definitely, be reading. for english. why the FUCK am i an english major? oh yeah, because i thought i loved english, but now i'm not so sure. well actually, yes, i still love it. but THE PURITANS?! seriously? like, come on. when we were in kindergarten, you know what they told us about the pilgrims? they landed on the plymouth rock or wherever the hell they said, they met the pretty, tan indians with the rainbow feathered headdresses and flowing animal skin clothing and chiseled abs. the pilgrims said, "hi, indians! nice to meet you!" the indians said, "hi pilgrims! welcome to our land! come eat our multi-colored corn and be our friends forever." guess what?! it so was not like that. this is what really happened: pilgrims: "we're here. let us live here and feed us, bitches." indians: "NOOOO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" then they proceeded to mangle each other and kidnap people and it was not all fun and games and let's eat turkey and cranberry shit together. that's what they want us to think! they fool our innocent minds into thinking that people were nice to each other. but now that we're old enough to face this dark, dark world, we must know the truth. our ancestors, those who founded this country, were douchenozzles. sad, sad, sad. now, the one redeeming quality to the bitter sadness that this country was found on, you might think, was that it probably produced some pretty interesting writing, about teepees and savage fights and lots of bloody action. NOPE. it's boring as hell. seriously, all that shit that happened, make it a little interesting for those of us who are forced to read it now. don't just ramble on about how the puritans rule all BLAH BLAH BLAH shut up, loser. okay that was harsh. whatever. sorry, ancestors. okay well i'm gonna go now. when i get bored of ben franklin's irritating ramblings in like 5 minutes, i'll probably go on here and type more of my irritating ramblings. but hey, i'm not trying to get this published, and i'm not forcing self-loathing-because-they-picked-english-to major-in english majors to read it. bye babies.
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