birds!

i would like to dedicate this bloggy blog to large birds. lately, i've just been finding them extremely comical. i'm talking about obnoxious birds like ostriches and swans, not cute little uninteresting blue jays and whatnot. it all started when my lovely friend deb told me that at fairfield university, students get CHASED BY TURKEYS at random points during the day. i thought this was absolutely hysterical. turkeys seem like tiny little creatures but those badasses are huge! imagine being chased by one on your way to class?!! HAHAHAHAHA. la dee da just going to your black women in history class just humming a little tune in your head and all of a sudden a large turkey!!!! just comes rapidly waddling toward you gobbling like a crack addict going through withdrawal. it's getting closer and closer and you don't know what to do. should you run? should you take a picture because you're not sure when this moment will ever be repeated again in your life? should you gobble back and give it a taste of its own medicine? should you go grab some mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce and chuck them at it so you feel like you're at home enjoying a nice thanksgiving day dinner with your family? personally, i would take its turkey cheeks into my hands and whisper sweet nothings into its ear and tell it it's a special turkey and will always be loved. anyway, another reason i've been finding large birds funny is because deb (yes, deb again with the gigantic bird stories. thanks girl) told me that when she was a young'en, she was at a nice family picnic at a park with a little pond where she loved to feed the ducks. so as she was going to feed the little ducklings some bread, all of a sudden, A MASSIVE SWAN comes charging at her, with a fierceness in her eyes that says "DON"T TOUCH MAH BABAEH YOU BITCH!" and all little debra could say was "noo mama swan! no, please! i just wanted to give the babies some bread!" but mama swan wasn't having any of that. just as she was about to sweep her mama wing across tiny debra's knee caps and knock her down on her toosh, deb's mama senses her child is in danger. she sniffed the air and knew the danger was coming from the southeast side of the park, just where her baby was being about to attacked by the giant swan! so, she instinctively grabbed her "super mom" cape from the picnic blanket (she keeps it with her at all times for emergencies such as these) and hopped over the 8 foot fence that separated her from her daughter playing by the pond with the beast swan. she ran to the swan and swatted her away with her magical super mom hands and scooped up her child at the same time, saving her from the wrath of the crazy swan mama. debra cried into her mother's arms for hours, recollecting the horrible moment when she was almost taken away to the evil swan village down the road and roasted on a spit. finally, her mother consoled her haunted soul. to this day, she cannot go near swans. note: this story was a bit exaggerated. anyway, how can you not think big, cumbersome birds are not funny? just picture Big Bird cawing like at a mofo a large group of tourists in a busy city. SO FUNNY. ostrich eggs are huge, too. that just makes it even better. i'm going to try and find more large bird anecdotes and add them to my blogs, because i love them with all my heart.
bye babies.