i guess i'm a due for a new blog

haven't written anything in a few days. there's only 51 minutes left of battery on my computer so i guess i should make this kind of succinct? whatever. so, steve's friends dobes and john are here to visit for the week. two very enjoyable young gentlemen. a funny quip about them both: they were talking about the maury polvich show, and they both referred to him as "murry" and i just thought it was hilarious because on the show (which i love) when the really gangsta, black, preggo, i-don't-know-who-the-father-is of my baby chicks go on there, they say "whatchu talkin bout murry! i love you murry!" and since dobes and john are pretty much 2 of the whitest people i have had the pleasure of coming in contact with, that murry coming out of their quaint new hampshire mouths is just pure hilarity. i still have no idea why they both say maury like that. but seriously, shows like maury and jerry springer are one of my many guilty pleasures. i just get such joy out of watching them. i'm not sure if it's because it makes me good about myself because i don't have any intention of falling in love with my uncle, or if it's just because it's great entertainment. either way, it's outstanding. some of my favorite maury episodes include the ones where they people with weird phobias, the ones entitled "can you tell if this is a boy or a girl" and "MY 13-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER SMOKES CRACK, HAS HAD SEX WITH OVER 30 MEN, AND WANTS A BABY OF HER OWN SO SHE CAN DRESS IT IN ED HARDY. SEND HER TO BOOT CAMP...NOW!" the weird phobias ones are nuts. i saw one where the girl was deathly afraid of cotton balls. so what does the maury show do? play streaming videos of blooming cotton fields around the whole stage, and then have a large man completely covered in a cotton ball costume chase after the screaming girl. they also had someone who was very scared of mustard. so what does this brilliant show do yet again? squirt mustard all over her face. these people must face their phobias head on, you know. and then the "can you tell if this is a boy or a girl" ones. they have a bunch of people dressed in gangsta clothing and hats and stuff line up on stage, and the audience, by the amount of hooting and hollering, decide which one is a boy or girl. then they reveal the truth. all the people on stage look like boys but actually about half are girls, because they are tomboys. or lesbians. then they give the girls makeovers and they look all pretty, but half of them walk around the stage with hunchback, grabbing their crotches because they're so out of their element. THEN, the most amazing episodes are the boot camp ones. first, their crying mothers/aunts/grandmothers, basically the poor souls who have deal with these skanks, tell maury about their child and how she has sex with multiple men so she can have a baby, does drugs, works the streets, blah blah blah. then the girls come out. the audience boos each one, and they all have the same response, no matter if they're black, white, hispanic, indian, croatian, english, french, pakistani, WHATEVER. they say: 'WHATEVA WHATEVA YA'LL DON' KNOW ME. YA'LL DON' KNOW ME!" and the arms are flailing at the audience and the lips make the angry pout thing that says, "yeah, i'm 13. yeah, i want to be a single mother and take of my baby with money from my prostitution. yeah i'll probably get herpes. i'm better than all ya'llz." then they all have their little shpeals about how they're ready to have a baby; babies are no big deal, they just want to put them in cute clothes. then, the big, tough, black, boot camp guy comes out and yells at them. and they give him that special pout and eye roll. and then, they tour a jail and are given a real baby to take care of. jesus, i would never let those girls touch my baby! anyway, so they find out that maybe 13 is NOT old enough to have a child, and maybe they should lay low on the crack for a while. then they cry, and boot camp boy hugs them, and then go home and tell their momma how much they love her. the end is expected, but the ride there is what's worth it. so funny. okay i don't even know if any of that was coherent. i'm slightly more sleep deprived than usual. whatever. bye babies.